Goddamnit, New Mexico.

There are plenty of good reasons to move to a state like Colorado or Washington—the scenery, climate, schools, economy…

If you drive long enough through the mountains and valleys of the western United States, eventually you're going to hit and kill a wild animal with your car.

There are some things that make Utah unique—like floating in the Great Salt Lake, or setting a new land speed record at Bonneville, or maybe just getting attacked in your own home by a pair of armed polygamous women dressed as ninjas.

It was an epic battle between crucifixes and deified baked goods vs. grape juice and dildos in Oklahoma City on Sunday night—and while it's unclear which side won in the fight over the "black mass", we know for certain that (as always happens when alleged adults engage in such fights) dignity and enlightenment once again went down to a crushing defeat.

Colorado-based small business owner Peyton Manning—who also dabbles in professional athletics with often mixed results—says that thanks largely to unspecified "recent law changes" his 25 Papa John's pizza franchises scattered across the state are all doing rather well.

It's difficult to imagine a more brutal death than being sucked through an industrial wood chipper—in fact, it's probably best for your sanity and general disposition to not imagine such things at all.

The New Mexico dump which holds the nation's dirtiest laundry from nearly 70 years of nuclear weapons production was supposed to be a an accident-proof underground vault that would entomb radioactive waste in a 2,000-foot thick layer of salt for at least 10,000 years.

Authors Note: I've always liked westerns—especially the weirder and more obscure ones. This is the first in a series of occasional posts about some of my personal favorites.

This has already been a bad year for wildfires along much of the drought-parched West Coast—but "bad" doesn't even begin to describe the catastrophe that struck the small northern California lumber town of Weed this week after a quarter of the town burned to the ground in the space of a few hours.

There will always be a part of me that has a soft spot for the movie "Easy Rider," even though if we're being honest it really isn't a very good film.

The Arizona Republican Party's second-in-command resigned over the weekend after he called for the forced sterilization of women as a requirement for receiving public aid.

Wagons are being circled, tizzies are being thrown and children are being thought of in Oklahoma City, as the state's religious leaders are urging the faithful to pray like they've never prayed before in preparation for the most eagerly-anticipated religious event in the history of the city—one which the Catholic Diocese of Oklahoma claims could engulf the city with satanic evil via dry ice and a bucket of fake piss.

A noble but ultimately doomed bat gave its last full measure of devotion last week as it swooped in and bit a guitarist in the neck while he was pickin' and grinnin' with some friends in the Oregon woods.

I don't pretend to be a big outdoorsman. I'm just an average guy who likes good scenery.

It seems that the cruel hand of fate really wants the forests and meadows of Yosemite National Park to become a charred ruin, and is using every means at its disposal to try and make that happen.

In a year that, by any measure, hasn't exactly been slopping over with shining examples of American law enforcement—the profoundly troubled Denver Sheriff's Department may be the least brilliant of them all.

Nobody is calling it "beerpocalypsemageddon" or anything idiotic like that quite yet, and I'm certainly not implying that it's time to panic and start hoarding cases of beer in a deep, razor-wire covered pit in the backyard*—but you should probably know that beer could get a lot more expensive next year.

Authorities say that a wildfire in Yosemite National Park that prompted the helicopter evacuation of dozens of people from the top of Half Dome is finally slowing down thanks to some cooler, more humid weather.

It looks like the two mysterious pudknockers caught on a YouTube video kicking a squirrel off the rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona might have gotten away with it.